For more than 30 years I've been journaling, charting the daily thoughts and happenings in my life but, until today, I'd never considered the option of writing a public journal about my efforts to live a God-centered life.
So here goes. Day one.
Though I've spent most of my life searching for God: rising daily intending to make my day one of praise, I continue to retire every night having to accept the poverty of my efforts.
This morning for example, I woke to the sound of thunder and dashed downstairs to my office to unplug my computer. As I entered the room, a bolt of lightening thrust itself into the lake and I sent a quick plea heavenwards that it would stay on the lake and keep a safe distance from my house -- at least until I got the appropriate electric cables, phone and satellite, disconnected. Having done so, I went back upstairs to begin my 40 minutes of silent meditation.
After all these years, one would think that I've gotten this morning schedule thing down pat but I'm still working on it. Almost daily I debate the option of stretching first and then meditating or meditating first and then stretching. Stretching calms my mind, which at 5 am is already busy planning its day. Stretching helps me focus. Something to do with exerting oneself and breathing deeply. Meditating first thing in the morning, however, is the option preferred by spiritual directors.
This morning, meditating first seemed like the more viable option. I'd just experienced the creative power in an electric storm. Certainly focusing on the divine should be easy. But was it?
Of course not. My 40 minutes of silent prayer limped by as thoughts besieged me: remember to confirm lunch with Vicki, don't forget to cancel the appointment with Crystal, remember to bring wild flowers when you visit Virginia. Each time I became aware of these thoughts, I gently returned to my breath and wham, before I knew it I was thinking about the book I'm working on, structural changes to make, conflicts to include, a character's voice.
This morning I actually took a peek at my watch rather than waiting for the timer to chime the end of my session. 35 minutes down. Five to go.
That's enough don't you think, I told myself (and God). Got such a busy day. Better get my stretching done while there's still time.
And, dear God, please help me to remember to remember you throughout this day because I need your help. Desperately. Thank you.
5 comments:
Bon voyage, Beryl! What a great site.
I like your reflections at night; they are similar to mine. Every day is starting over for me. I particularly feel that way now.
"Beryl's monastery." You've lived the vocation I've fantasized about. I look forward to reading here.
I love this, Beryl. You will help me to remember...A little online Sangha is just what I need..
Martha
Goodmorning Beryl...I commend you for the effort, I understand.
I am able to be more flexible about time and approach. Morning... sitting on the porch and listening to birds, I think of the tallness of the trees and its shade,admire clouds and leaf colors and thank God for the beauty of another day...ask for strength,pray for others..and always end with, your will be done.
Thank you for this blog. For some time i have been looking for precisely this kind of avenue as i struggle with my spirituality. Your book touched a spot in my life that has not been dealt with, perhaps this will be my opportunity.
I'm so happy that I'm not the only one who begins to meditate and find myself thinking of all the other things I have to do. I apologize to God and return to prayer, but then again I must make a note about doing something or I'll forget! How terrible! I hate doing that to God, but I know that He understands. He is always in my heart, and at some point I finally put down my pen and notepad and concentrate on meditating. May we all find a perfect or even an imperfect way to remember our creator. And when I don't have the time for meditation, I know that He knows what is in my heart.
Post a Comment